Relationship can be quite confusing.Sometimes we stay in a relationship we know we are not happy or satisfying for us.Other times,we may walk away from a relationship we know to be a good thing,but self-sabotaging behavior causes us to leave it all.We dont always know however,if a relationship is right or wrong.We may simply feel confused and in great need to sort through the confusion for some answers.This is what happened to dene.....

Dene is 32 yr old,had been married with Ralf for 6 years now but Dene is still overwhelmed with confused feelings.She could'nt even put her finger on what specifically she was so confused about.She started asking her self if she really like Ralf.Theres a saying we can love someone and not really like him.She get a peace of paper and divided it into two.Started writing and answering the questions (what i like about him and what he wants in life?)and on the other half she answered the question(what i dont like about him and what i want in life?)

When Dene finished the first sheet,she was stunned.She was sure her answers are real and honest and they told her plenty.She discovered that there were more things about Ralf she did'nt like than what she did like.In fact she sudden realized she found somethings about him to be quite irritating and incompatible with her own way of thinking and being.

I guess her subconcious mind was making these comparisons,telling her something's was'nt right. She had to get into her own and find out what her real feelings were.She thought they were compatible but i guess it was just Dene making compromises to keep the relationship together.

Faced with marriage as a real possibility,her inner feelings begun to make her self known.This is how she became confused.
Dene still love Ralf, but when she realized that it was dissatisfied about certain aspects of their relationship,she thinks that getting married was'nt the right thing to do. Do you agree with her?Now that they have two kids,do you think Dene have to let go Ralf or stay with the relationship where in she knows she can never be happy???????


socialsomatic said...

I think there's a bit of a false dichotomy here - what I think they need is to talk. You can't expect a partner to recognize and change their own shortcomings without communicating that they bother you. I don't think any decision should be made without the couple trying counselling first.

DC said...

It's a difficult choice Dene faces.

I like the way she explored her feelings on a piece of paper - I thought that was very clever.

Maybe she can also explore alternatives about what she can do on paper too. It may help her find out how she feels about the different alternatives.

Can the relationship be changed to better suit Dene? Maybe through counselling, or she could explore new assertiveness or communication skills, through books and websites.

eden said...

yup i think am goin to agree with both of you Dave and Socialsomatic.maybe its not really good to just jump into a conclusion of parting ways without talking about the situation.i guess counselling could be of bid help.

thanks for the comments and keep coming back!

eden said...

apologies on spelling......i mean big help not bid..

Cassandra said...

Maybe Dene just doesn't know herself very well period. When you are unsure about who you are it is nearly impossible to be in a healthy relationship. Everything is about how irritating or incapable your partner is.

Dene, what are you holding onto that is ripping you apart?

temppixie said...

Happiness is not something you someone else can give you.D needs to find happiness for herself first, so maybe she should go for counselling for herself.I can remember when kids were young, being married, and my only identity was as someones mother or wife, and I lost a sense of self.Relationships are all about balance, and sometimes we trip up.

eden said...

cassandra and kim,your comments are very much appreciated.am learning from them.:)